The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
