what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
