We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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