Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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