Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
