we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
