I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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