Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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