Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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