Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
