Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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