i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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