We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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