I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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