your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i love accidental penises.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
