so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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