I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
