try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
