I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
