And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
