it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
