I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
