I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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