I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
