I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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