i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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