Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize