she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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