I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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