i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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