Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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