my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
