Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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