No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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