Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
