theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
