i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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