There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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