if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
