I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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