i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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