I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
