we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
