It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
