The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
