I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
