If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
