It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
