the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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