i barfeds in our rink
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
