I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize