I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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