the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
