dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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