I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
