She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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