i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
