Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
