meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
