Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
