Don't you send me to vm
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
