and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
