Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
