You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
