Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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