This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
