Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
