So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
