Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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