I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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