She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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