I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
