Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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