So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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