You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
