hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So vagazzling was a success
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
